they'll never find me...

Changes...

2010-03-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

I'm going through a strange phase at the moment. It's hard to describe why. I'm almost concurrently experiencing: disappointment, excitement, frustration, anticipation, dread, hope, helplessness, happiness, low moods and high moods.

There's a lot of stuff going on at the moment - and I don't just mean the ongoing saga of our new bathroom (latest: wall unit and shower screen need fitting, taps need changing, floor needs repairing - almost 4 weeks since it began and with no guarantee that it'll happen at the moment)...

This year (i.e. the next 12 months) I'm going to be doing new things and beginning to give up old ones. The new ones I'm fairly positive about, if all works out as planned. I really need a lot of things to happen in specific, tight timelines to provide the best outcome. The old ones I'm reluctant to give up as it will be the end of an era, I will no longer be in a position to shape things I once cared passionately about and I'm concerned that those taking my place will end up as disillusioned, frustrated and resentful as I do at the moment. But sometimes in life, it's important to take stock and focus on the big picture and what is actually important.

I've also found it quite sad over the last few months to reflect on friendships etc and the face that things all move on. Putting together the guest list for our wedding was very difficult - not necessarily in terms of who we invite and who we don't, but actually acknowledging that some people who would have been first on the list a few years ago are not even on the "reserve" list (we didn't actually have one of these, what I mean is that they were a definite no, not even a maybe). There are also people on the list who we haven't seen for a while, but I have a suspicion that if we were doing this a few years down the line they would fit the criteria above. I have been invited (and attended) so many weddings over the last 15 years, it would be unrealistic to return the favour to each, but I still find it sad that things move on and people I was once close to may soon be the people who I just swap Christmas cards with, or not even that.

People change, circumstances change, lifestyles change. A friend of mine once said before embarking on a NCT class "I am about to make friends that I never thought I wanted or needed" (or something along those lines) - the people we are friends with in life are those that we share common experiences with, or who's company we make an effort to be in and/or enjoy despite the lack of common experiences. It's just sometimes difficult, and sad, to let go.

And it can be difficult to let go in this age of social networking, where it's a pretty significant step to "de-friend" someone, where one slip-up could mean people you had forgotten you were in contact with can know things that you've not mentioned to some of your closest friends. For example, a girl I work with (and who is also a facebook friend) had a message on her page from another friend congratulating her on her second pregnancy - she was mortified when she realised as she hadn't formally told work at this point, but now everyone knew...

So I'm keeping a low profile at the moment - partially because I'm a coward, partially because I don't want to upset people and partially to protect me. This way those people whose weddings I went to but who are not invited to ours, or those who may be hurt/offended that they've not been invited, will not be bombarded of photos of the event (I'm not scared to tell them they're not invited but at the same time don't feel it's appropriate to contact them specifically to let them know they're not) and it can all pass relatively quietly in web terms. I also don't want a fuss at work, or any assumptions to be made which may damage any promotion prospects in the near future...

My working life

2010-01-09T16:11:00.000-08:00

This just about sums it up:

sickness and...

2009-11-18T03:17:00.000-08:00

I’ve never had an operation or a general anaesthetic, so the last couple of days have been a series of new experiences. I had to go into hospital for exploratory surgery to investigate a number of symptoms, including chronic back pain when walking, they were going to remove various cysts which could be causing the problem and anything else they found while they were in there...
I was a little stressed about this because:
- I don’t like needles
- I don’t like hospitals
- I don’t like pain
The system here is that you turn up at a specific time (either first thing in the morning or around lunch time) and they give you a time slot for your operation, so although you turn up at 730am, you may not be in surgery until 12 noon, which is quite a while, especially if you’re stressed out about the whole thing.
I also have diabetes, there are not many advantages of this (apart from free prescriptions and eye tests) but when I mentioned this, they bumped me up the queue from 12 noon to 1030am – result!
So, you get changed into an hospital gown, put on your dressing gown and slippers (I had to buy some especially, slippers are for old people…) and then WALK up to theatre – I don’t know whose idea that was, it’s like making your own way up the gallows steps… Interestingly they also give you your pillow to take with you into surgery – presumably to minimise infection somehow, or give you something to hold to stop you biting your nails right down.
You seem to be asked the same questions many times – firstly at the pre-med 2 weeks earlier, then on arriving at the hospital, then on arrival at the pre-theatre room, then in the anaesthetic room. I wouldn’t mind but they still got my next of kin’s name wrong… But to be fair, and in the interests of minimising human error, this can only be a good thing.
So, I arrived at the pre-theatre room, where they had Jeremy Kyle on the TV and another woman in there who seemed a little too chirpy for her own good. Then they moved me into the anaesthetic room, where they took more measurements (and I managed to break the blood pressure machine), put a needle in my hand (me: “I don’t like needles so I’ll just look over here if you don’t mind”, anaesthetist: “no me neither, don’t mind sticking them in other people though. Hmm, you don’t have very good veins do you?”) They gave me a dose of something and asked me how I felt. The last thing I remember saying is that I felt like I’d just had 4 glasses of wine….

Next thing I know I was waking up in a room with one indignant thought in my head – I can’t believe I’ve just wasted the last 40 minutes asleep dreaming about work! I thought there should have been plenty more material for dreaming after being bombarded by Jeremy just before I went in, or even the crappy day-time TV adverts, but no.
The next 5 hours was mainly full of sleep, they gave me oxygen because I wasn’t breathing properly, which was lovely and I just drifted in and out. Surgeons, the anaesthetist and nurses came in and out to check up on me. Then made me eat something and take tablets to make sure my blood sugar was under control, but I’ve never had less of an appetite... They finally let me go home when I’d been to the toilet – major achievement. However, the morning after I was sorry I’d left as I felt like nothing on earth – the painkillers have now kicked in, but I feel as if my insides have been cut up!

I (obviously) don’t know what went on in the theatre, but the anaesthetist told me they’d dosed me up with morphine and asked if I remembered anything in there, which I felt was a bit ominous… But what I do know is that the surgeon told me they’d found nothing, no cyst (the one they’d found on the scan was 5cm diameter), nothing that could be causing my back pain. While I’m pleased that they’ve found nothing wrong, I’m a little frustrated that I’m now in pain for no reason and still have no cause for my back pain, so this may be only the first of many such trips to the operating theatre…. but at least I have the slippers for it now.

Social class

2009-06-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

I have many things to say about social class. But more of that another time.
I have encountered this conversation a number of times, which makes me a little annoyed:

There's lots I could say to this, but I think I'm going to leave it hanging for a while...

Quakers

2009-05-19T04:41:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about the Quakers for a while. I don't know much about them, but am fascinated by their silent meetings and their equality-based outlook on the world.
I stumbled across some information on the quakers this morning and found even more stuff about them that I can get along with, e.g.:

the light of God is in every single person
everyone can have a direct, personal relationship with God without involving a priest or minister
all human beings are equal and equally worthy of respect
all human beings contain goodness and truth
Quakers do not accept value judgments based on race or gender
Quakers welcome diversity
they don't believe in sacraments (either as realities or symbols) or formal liturgies or ceremonies and also refuse to take oaths.
since believers should have a direct relationship with God, no one (priests, for example) and nothing (like sacraments) should come in between.
Quakers have always treated men and women as equals, and were pioneers in the movement for female equality.
Quakers feel that the quality and depth of feeling between two people is the most important part of a loving relationship, not their gender or sexual orientation.

I'm not so sure about some of the other bits (not celebrating Christmas & Easter, not putting great importance on theology, just being quiet and waiting, etc.) but the Quakers seem to be streets ahead of many Christian denominations in terms of inclusivity, freedom, responsibility and rejection of potentially unnecessary hierarchies and (perceived) outdated/meaningless traditions.

I see some areas of the emerging church challenging the views of the established church on some of these issues (inclusivity, gender equality, seeking and meeting with God in action now, rather than "bringing God to the people"), whilst maintaining others (sacraments, ordained full-time leaders). But it's interesting how this approach can be seen as radical (and to some, heretical) when the Quakers have been doing this for some time...

Surprises

2009-05-01T00:23:00.000-07:00

I loved this. For an organised, slightly anally retentive person, I love surpises, randomness and chaos in little bits. Revels for example - you never know what flavour you'll get. I used to like "top deck" cadbury's chocolate in Australia because it was a little like the block version of revels. In my quest for fair trade/eco/ethical clothes, I've ordered loads of the surprise goody bags from people tree, mainly because it's a bargain, but also because it's a surprise and a bit exciting.

However, I'm also starting to realise that my feelings for surprises only goes so far - as anyone who tries to plan a surprise event/trip for me will testify. I'd like to say that this because time is so precious to me that I like to make the most of everyday and have a plan to do just this. But I think it's probably the control freak in me coming out again...

Titlifcation

2009-03-20T05:25:00.000-07:00

I've just come across this article on the beeb.
Hoorah!
I've been "Ms" since I was 16 (i.e. old enough to have a strop about it) and some peoples' attitude towards it drives me bonkers, for example:
a - I was stood behind someone in Argos who was asked for her details for a warranty for some product she was buying "Is it Miss or Mrs?" she was asked. "It's Dr" she replied. Girl on the till looked confused and said "I still need to know if it's Miss or Mrs".
b- I went to visit a customer and checked in at reception. "Is it Miss or Mrs?" she asked. "It's neither, it's Ms" I said. "Well, you can't be, we don't have that on the system." she said. "In that case, put me down as Mr" I replied, getting a little bit shirty. "But you're not a Mr" came the reply. Me - now with my heckles well and truly pointing skywards: "Well I'm not a Miss or a Mrs either, so take your pick!" We compromised on "no title"...
c- I still get annoyed each time I receive my npower/virgin media bill because their computer says no to Ms.

Why is this so hard for people to understand? Why do people think they have a right to know your marital status if you're female? It's just another means of treating women as second class citizens, as if their value is dependent on if they belong to a man - Mrs John Smith, my arse.

I remember two of my English teachers at school were "Ms" - one introduced herself by saying "My name is Ms (name withheld to protect the feminist), but I AM married."
I don't feel the need to do this, if I tell anyone I'm Ms and they look me up and down and say "but are you married or not", my usual reply is "None of your ****** business."

This is also linked to the argument over whether or not women should change their names when they get married, which I think I've expressed my views about before...

I actually believe that Ms should be the default, and you could opt out to be a Miss or a Mrs if you really wanted. I have friends who are Mrs or Miss, which is fine if that's what they want to be, but not if that's the label society is imposing upon them.

I shall be Ms until the day I die, regardless of whether I'm married, divorced, single, widowed or have a lesbian life partner.
Until I'm professor/lord/your highness, that is.

my second place (aka work)

2009-03-03T10:57:00.000-08:00

I'm actually going to talk about something personal. I think I can do this, I don't think anyone vaguely concerned knows I'm here... (if I'm wrong shall we just say it's our little secret??)
I was having a good day today, been stressing about getting a report done but realised today that the deadline is 3 weeks away, not 1, so I was actually starting to chill out (nB. about work, that is. Still have loads of other stuff to stress about ;-))
Then my boss arrived, gathered the team together and told us that he's resigned.
Now, I've had ups and downs with my boss, but generally we've found a way to work together. In fact, I was actually starting to appreciate him as my manager.
And now he's off.
I can't say I blame him, he's had a fabulous offer from elsewhere and would be a fool not to take it...
But now I'm in a quandry. He's told us he's encouraging all of us to think about applying for his job. There's three of us in the team (if you count me) who might be in the running for it. One of these people I've struggled to work alongside, so it would be a nightmare situation for me if he got it. Another I know less about, but in my experience he's a bit ineffectual - I'm not sure how much he actually achieves and so am skeptical about his suitability too. So, you could argue that I have to apply, if only so I can't kick myself for not doing so when I'm downright miserable with one of them doing my appraisal.
But I don't know if I actually want it. There's a load of stuff involved that I'm not sure that I'm any good at and/or may not be able to do well. Plus it would mean I'd have to work harder. I do a shed-load of other stuff outside work which takes up quite a bit of time, plus last month (though this may be off the cards now) I was making funding arrangements to do a PhD, which would take up even more time... and I would actually like to have a life.
Good points: more cash, they might give me a company car, and not being managed by someone who I potentially have no respect for.
Bugger.
This is going to take some thinking about.

shopping

2009-01-09T04:29:00.001-08:00

I love to shop.

This time last year I decided to stop shopping to see if I could do it. I managed almost 5 months without buying too many unnecessary things. I'm sort of doing it this year - I've purged the sales and have enough stuff from boots and lush to keep me smelling sweetly for at least the next 3 years. So there is no excuse. I'm writing down everything I spend (this is a tactic they tell people to do when they want to eat less, it sort of brings a realisation of how much you're eating/spending and shames you into cutting down...)

I should also probably stop buying in bulk. Someone only last night told me that we needed to stop buying food as if we were superstitiously stocking up in preparation for the famines etc at the end of the world (like some well known religions advise you to do....)

I don't know why I love to shop, bet someone's done a study on this somewhere. Leave it with me...

Anyway, the reason I'm talking about this is because of this. I don't read this publication. At all. Ever. But was made aware of the story so have made an exception. This is, of course, very sad. But also a bit concerning. I'm seeing it as a warning...

multi-purpose

2009-01-08T14:46:00.000-08:00

I liked this

flow charts

2008-12-18T08:29:00.000-08:00

I use flow charts a lot, so particularly liked this one.

Ethical decisions

2008-12-14T13:55:00.000-08:00

Many people think that we live in a free society, where we can hold whatever opinions we want. However, it gets a little more tricky if we want to express these opinions, especially if they're perceived to be harmful to others, or against the values of the society... I'm always a bit torn over this, for obvious reasons (freedom of speech against promoting hatred and harm to others who are different etc. etc.).

Everyone thinks their opinion is right - why would you hold an opinion you think is wrong? And although I acknowledge that different opinions make the world a more interesting place - it would be boring if we all thought the same (and how would new ideas and theories develop?) - there's still a small part of me who find it easier to be with people who share my views and values and likes trying to talk people into agreeing with me...

The clockwork orange film was fabulous in its extreme (or maybe not) methods of enforcing behavioural and intellectual compliance with the society's rules and norms. These were quite extreme, but here's another way that decision-making behaviour could be controlled... perhaps we should remove the "facilities" from the houses of parliament...?

Fame at last!

2008-11-27T03:12:00.000-08:00

A few of us at Sanctus1 (my church/community) pulled together a selection of "tools" and services for alt worship/emerging church etc. earlier this year.

We got hard copies this week and I am now on amazon right here!

who says the church isn't in tune with pop culture?

2008-09-29T16:28:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon this today.

I wonder what they're trying to say?

You know it's time to decorate when...

2008-09-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago I bought a house that needed a bit of work doing to it. It turned out to need a little bit more work than I originally realised, but hey - that's all part of owning property I guess. I seem to have done loads to it - my parents gave me lots of on-the-job training and plenty of help in sorting it out - to date I've managed to replace the boiler and gas/water pipework, kitchen, wiring, knock out fireplaces and brick up walls and decorate the majority of rooms in the house (not just me I'd like to point out, I have been ably assisted by parents and whole host of professional people).

However there are a couple of obvious areas, such as carpets, where I've not yet had the money or the inclination to replace for something less floral/paisley. I'm not a fan of either flowers or paisley but I've learned that with enough practice you can pretend it's not there (until you have visitors of course, then you start seeing the house through their eyes and you realise quite how offensive the carpets are...)

Anyway, I went to the theatre this week, to see an Alan Bennett play called "Enjoy". And I did. It was fabulous. It's the story of a older couple living in a dated, decrepit house - about to be re-housed in a new modern set of maisonettes - being studied as part of a sociological assessment. There was lots of talk about how lovely the new accommodation would be, they'd have better flooring - vinyl flooring throughout!

When the time came to dismantle the house, they took up the carpet. The carpet in this decrepit old house, hideously unfashionable and the epitome of poor taste, was IDENTICAL to my living room carpet. Flower by flower, swirl by swirl. Exactly the same.

I can feel a visit to Allied Carpet coming on...

Happy to be unhappy

2008-08-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

Being someone who likes to have all the information, I subscribe to a load of different blogs, news pages etc. Some of them are linked to work, such as this one.
This story caught my eye...

Why conservatives are happier than liberals

Psychologists at New York University say they've found the answer to why people with right wing political views are happier than left-leaning liberals (as previously indicated by survey research). In short, conservatives are less upset by inequality because they believe people generally get what they deserve in life.

Jaime Napier and John Jost gave questionnaires to over a thousand Americans and found that conservatives were happier than liberals even after controlling for the possible influence of demographic differences, such as in wealth and religiosity. Crucially, they found that at least some of the difference in happiness was explained by the conservatives being less bothered by inequality.

A second study found a similar pattern in nine other countries, including New Zealand, Norway and Spain. This time the greater happiness of conservatives was associated with their meritocratic beliefs - for example, their belief that, in the long run, hard work usually brings a better life.

A final study showed that liberals in America have grown less happy as inequality has risen, whereas the happiness of conservatives has remained unaffected. This appears to confirm Napier and Jost's contention that right wing political beliefs can guard against the potentially upsetting effects of inequality.

The pair concluded that beliefs can have a protective effect on happiness in other walks of life too. "Research suggests that highly egalitarian women are less happy in their marriages compared with their more traditional counterparts apparently because they are more troubled by disparities in domestic labour" they said.
_________________________________

Napier, J.L., Jost, J.T. (2008). Why Are Conservatives Happier Than Liberals?. Psychological Science, 19(6), 565-572. DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2008.02124.x

Now, each to their own - and political views/beliefs are a personal thing... but I am happier being less happy than others, if it means I care about other people. If being slightly less happy than others means that I have the motivation and impetus to change the world for the better (in whichever minor way I can), bring on the frown lines....

Religious freedom?

2008-07-12T01:22:00.000-07:00

There are lots of things I'd like to blog about (venice, ordination, female bishops, abba) but this caught my eye. Basically a woman has been refused French citizenship because:

she's not integrated with the community - "insufficient assimilation" they called it
her devout Muslim views mean that she wears a burqa (although to add fuel to the fire, this is at her husband's request) and believes it's appropriate to submit totally to her husband, which France is arguing is incompatible with basic French values, such as equality of sexes.

However, she's lived there for 8 years, speaks French, is married to a French man, has 3 French children.

Much as I'm uncomfortable* about any organisation/religion/individual believing and living the view that men have the upper hand and women should do as they're told, I'm not sure if this is reason enough to not allow a woman citizenship of a country where she and her family have lived for the past 8 years. Where does freedom of choice begin and national/cultural ideology/ethos end? It's a dangerous game to appear to be saying "give up your religion and you can live here".

However, on the other hand this happens to a lesser extent everywhere. For example, if you disagree with rules/have different views in some organisations/religions (where you are encouraged to believe and not question) the underlying attitude towards you is to either chip away at you until you conform, or reject you from the group as being "not really one of us" or not committed enough to make the changes to your life/opinions to be included within the group. It's an open minded group/organisation/religion who accepts your questions/different approach to life as an valued and important contribution and seeks to make you and your opinions accepted within the community...

* for uncomfortable read irrate

Venice

2008-06-27T16:05:00.000-07:00

Well, now I no longer have a boyf living on the other side of the world, my holiday quotient has dropped rapidly. Not that I’m complaining about having him so near I could touch him, but I was thinking a few weeks ago that I’d not had a holiday since January, which is shocking for me (although slightly better for the environment I guess).
To be fair, I’ve hardly had a day off since then too, so a few weeks back I decided that something should be done.
Some people may be aware of my tendency (or at least attempts) to get a bargain – if I can get away with paying less than full price for anything, I will. I know when all the sales are due to start, I barter with the man in Allied Carpets, I go and smile at the people on the desks at the Odeon and ask if they have any tickets for free screenings, I track down vouchers for money off whenever I’m heading for a meal, I scour the internet for the best price whenever I think about buying anything – and once I’ve decided where to buy from, I go through one of the cashback websites, just to cut the cost. One of my friends refers to me as the “Queen of free” (at least I think that’s what she said…)

But I digress… about 6 weeks ago I was looking on one of the money saving websites at potential cheap flights, for a bit of a break. I know this isn’t helping my carbon footprint, but I guessed it was a little better than flying to Seoul for a weekend as I did around this time last year… I saw some flights to Venice, then some flights back 4 days later – which would make a nice long weekend away. And the best thing? They were £5 each way. Including taxes! So we bought 2 return flights to Venice for £23 (you can’t escape the credit card charge). What a bargain! It cost us more to park the car at the airport than it cost to fly there and back.

So last weekend we headed to Venice. It was great fun. We decided to do the touristy stuff so bought a Venice card which meant we could ride on as much public transport (i.e. water buses mostly) as possible and go to a long list of museums, galleries, churches – all for free! Well, not free as technically we paid up front, but you know what I mean – probably without the hassle is a better way of putting it. I’m just trying to figure out what we saw, it goes something like this:
Churches
SM Gloriosa dei Frari, San Stae, Basilica di San Marco (felt like more though, as most of the museums and galleries were full of biblical images)
Museums and other stuff
Palazzo Ducale, Correr Museum, Archaeological Museum, Monumental Halls of Marciana National Library, Museum of 18th Century, Mocenigo’s Palace, Gallery of Modern Art, Museum of Oriental Act, Glass Museum, the Academia and the Jewish Museum.
This probably sounds like an overload and it was quite an action-packed time, though the weather in Venice was so warm over the weekend it was a relief to move from one air-conditioned building to the next...

But one of my favourite bits was cruising up and down the canals on the water buses – that was great fun as you could see all the different areas, different houses (mostly they seemed to be unoccupied on the “ground” floor, the watermarks up the side of the walls showing how far the last flood had raised the canal was a pretty good indicator of why), all different colours, some fabulous architecture. This is really the best way to get a flavour of Venice – we also managed to sneak in a trip to Lido and Murano, a couple of the bigger islands away from the main cluster…

There are lots of things I want to talk about, but I’m going to pause for breath. Watch this space…

mmm...

2008-04-28T03:56:00.000-07:00

Just seen this on the guardian website - sign me up!*

Now all they need to do is lace Thorntons' toffees with quick-release insulin and I'll never** give another health-care worker a hard time again...

* that is, if only I was post-menopausal and on cholesterol tablets... how unfair... :-(
** actually, "never" is quite a long time, I'm not sure if I can make that kind of commitment ...

Wedding bells

2008-04-16T04:49:00.000-07:00

It's OK, don't choke/break out in a cold sweat/go out and buy a hat, I don't have any "special news".
I did, however, read this article today and it's set me off again.

I've been to lots of weddings over past 15 years, they've all been lovely in their own way and I've felt privileged to be included in the celebrations. However, the wedding industry, the social expectations and the expense deemed necessary to have a good time and "do it properly" drives me crazy on so many levels.

Firstly, the pressure to get married. I'm lucky that my family have never done this, not even as a joke, not even when I shared a mortgage with a (now ex) boyfriend. My grandmother tried it a few times (she wasn't the queen of tact, my nanna) - usually responding to the "when are you getting married" question with "when I'm pregnant and not before" caused enough ruckus to distract from the original question. The pressure instead used to come from groups, such as the "conventional" churches I've attended in the past, where they didn't know quite what to do with you if you were single. Single women especially. To the extent that they would regularly:
- look at you sympathically when you mentioned that you were going to do something alone (for the record, it was never a problem going to the cinema on my own, I got to eat all the popcorn and no-one talked to me during the important bits)
- try to fix you up with the most inappropriate people, on the impression that as "you're both single you'll have plenty to talk about" or something along those lines
- stand a little closer, often touching their husbands in an "ownership" way whenever you're near, on the off-chance that you're so desperate for a man you might steal hers when she's not looking....

So yeah, the pressure implies that marriage should be an aim (as I read in a magazine the other day). This I blame Disney for. I was brought up on fairy stories, which were great. But when you look at them in the cold light of your 30s you see them for what they are. The general theme is that finding a man to marry is your main aim and once you achieve this, everything will be super. (Along, of course, with beautiful people are good and less than beautiful people are evil, etc. etc. and don't get me started on Snow White...)

The traditions of a wedding also frustrate me. Why should it be deemed appropriate for a boy to ask the permission of his girl's parents before they get married? Why should the girl's father "give her away" to the boy in the ceremony? Why do girls wear white when very few people look good in that colour? Why is it usual for a girl to wear a wedding ring, but it's more a question of choice for a boy? Why do girls feel the pressure to change their name but it's so rare for a boy to do this? And the traditional church service that requires the girls to promise to "obey" but not the boys... Now, before people get upset with me about this, I'm not challenging you if you did any of these, I'm sure you had perfectly good reasons and I respect them. I'm just saying that society expects you to conform to a lot of this and I think it's important to ask "why", "what does this mean" and make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and not because "brides today" magazine told you that it's the done thing.

The wedding industry is apparently worth more than £5billions. After attending a wedding fayre a couple of years ago (so my newly engaged mate didn't have to go on her own) I can believe it. The g-mex was packed with women with a wild look in their wide eyes at the pure intensity of shiny, sparkly jewels and tiaras that it was now the law that they must own, the "favours" for the guests that were obligatory (hmm... best "favour" you can do the wedding guests is keep the speeches and photography time to a minimum) and the enormous range of places you can have your wedding/shopping list (which I believe is the reason some people get married in the first place, they need a new washing machine). The few blokes in there, on the other hand, probably dragged there because "it's OUR wedding, you need to be involved", had a look in their eyes that was a combination of terror and boredom. Their girlfriend had turned into bridezilla as soon as they'd produced the ring and they were now feeling it full throttle....

I will confess to occasionally watching TV programmes such as "don't tell the bride" where men are making all the wedding plans in exchange for the BBC giving them £12K towards it. TOWARDS it??? Give me £12K and I'll have a nice holiday and pay off a chunk of my mortgage, thanks very much....

(and I haven't even mentioned a couple of people I know who took out a loan to pay for their "perfect" wedding, only to divorce 18 months later, but end up paying the loan back for 3 years after this)

I actually think that the pressure to spend so much money that the day is "perfect" is bordering on obscene. Surely a wedding should be all about celebrating that you've found someone you get on with so well that you don't mind the smell of his feet or the fact that he ALWAYS leaves the toilet seat up. Someone who you're happy to spend time with, whether it's on a sundrenched beach on holiday or unblocking the drains/any other unpleasant DIY task. Someone who can get over some of your annoying habits (apparently it's not the done thing to use every piece of crockery before you think about washing up) Someone who can make you laugh and snap you out of a bad mood (nb. getting the timing right on this is very important if you want to avoid making the bad mood even worse...).
And I guess to me, the wedding day is insignificant, it's just a line in the sand marking the beginning of a long journey together. Why not make the wedding an extension of your current life? No fairytale carriages and virginal white dresses, spend some of the £12K (or whatever) on a nice car you can drive after the wedding too! Buy a dress you really like and could wear again to another special occasion... the list goes on... just don't scrimp on the party afterwards :-)

The West Wing

2008-03-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

I have just started watching The West Wing. Yes, I know I'm about 9 years late - but this is perfect for someone who quite literally can't and won't wait a whole week for the next episode, I have an entire series at my fingertips!
I feel a bit unsettled at the moment, for a whole number of reasons - nothing major just a whole pile of niggley things going on in my head - but this series (along with chocolate, obviously) has lifted me right out of it, it's just THAT fab...
For example, I'm swept along with their working lives, thinking how nice it would be to be doing something important that you love and don't mind working until 11pm and over weekends (OK, not exactly how NICE it would be to work long hours - for a start when would I have chance to do all my home improvements? - but the sense of meaning in work is somewhat enviable). And although it's not making me stay later at work, the keenness and dedication is definitely having an impact on me (and making me think I should revamp my work wardrobe from baggy primark trousers to something a bit more professional...). I wonder if the west wing should be used as some kind of work motivational video? Or perhaps I'm a special breed of person who finds that TV programmes can provoke an emotional response? I'm sure I'm not the only person who (very occasionally) cries at sad (and happy, for that matter) things on TV shows - am I?

I am concerned though, that it's too much too soon. I've watched the entire 1st series in less than 1 week. Actually, I should be honest, I decided I'd watch one series, then take a break, but in the last episode of series 1 people get shot and I couldn't possibly wait to find out what had happened, so had to watch the 1st 3 episodes of the 2nd series, until I was confident everyone was OK... THIS is what I mean about becoming emotionally involved with fictional characters...

However, in one of the episodes I wasn't meant to be watching, I came across this clip. It's always nice when someone says or does something that you agree with, without you saying a word; this is one of those things*. There are lots of debates about the bible, christian church and homophobia. One of my favourite things (although to be fair, there are lots of great things) about my church is that sexuality isn't an issue, while many other churches are in anguish about it. Maybe I'm a bleeding heart liberal, and maybe if I was allowed to vote in an american election, even the democrats would be too right-wing for me (not dissimilar to the labour party over here). But I don't care. The liberal, philsophical(?), inclusive approach is the one for me. At least for the moment.

So, the fact that President Bartlet (yes, I know he's not a real person) thinks the way I do on this, means that I'm unlikely to get to the end of the bank holiday weekend without having watched the whole of series 2 (and possible also some of series 3, depending on the cliffhanger)...

*Although there was a time once, when I was reading some questions on a discussion board at work - there was a question posed that I thought "what a great question - this sums up everything I want to know" - then when I reached the bottom of the question I saw my name. And realised that I was the one who'd written the question and forgotten about it.

Flying high

2008-03-06T14:33:00.000-08:00

Found this article earlier - there's always lots of debate about the nature of religious experiences in the psychological academic world and this one has been bandied around before...
I think that there's some mileage in the idea that religious experiences share similarities with being high - perhaps even being a result of them - but does this make these experiences invalid or less significant? Perhaps transcending to a higher state of consciousness* is the way to connect to God in this materialistic, physical world - it certainly seems to work for some religious groups. Is serious meditation that different to the mellow and dreamy state that results from taking some form of psychoactive plant extract?

There's a lot to be said for demonstrating faith, helping those in need, supporting the community, looking out for each other - but perhaps in all the chaos of the modern world we're missing something else? Perhaps we should give some time to getting out of it all (not necessarily with the aid of chemical enhancers) and give time to allowing our subconsciousness to take us somewhere completely different, to reconnect, to relax our minds and open them to new ideas, concepts - who knows what we might come up with....

* (thanks Josh Wink)

Puzzle time

2008-02-18T14:23:00.000-08:00

I've loved these, ever since my psychology A-level where we were taught to look at puzzles in a completely different way. I couldn't get my head around this one earlier today (to be fair, mainly because work was distracting me... how inconvenient...) but I've sussed it now...

India (1)

2008-01-28T14:17:00.000-08:00

I've just got back from India. Literally.
I was going to wait a while before I blogged, think long and hard about what I was going to say and how I was going to phrase it all.
But I have a few minutes while I'm thawing out, so here's a taster for now...

I've had a good time. India is fascinating and frustrating in equal measures (and of course it was good to spend time with Stephen). In the last 2 weeks I have seen a number of things that I don't see everyday and I'm probably quite glad about that (note, I'm not referring to Stephen).

On a serious note, I've seen extreme poverty, the slums, the beggars, people fighting (literally in some cases) over getting custom out of tourists.

On a different note, I'm quite happy to be back in the UK where:

it's not common practice to spit revolting-looking red phlegm out of your mouth in the road/railway/anywhere there isn't a sign telling you not to.
there are generally nice toilets in most places. Where you can sit down. And they have toilet roll. And there isn't a tap and drain at the side of each toilet for you to wash your left hand after wiping your bottom with it. Yes, I know this makes me sound like a princess. (on an aside, one thing I've learned during this trip is that I can go up to 22 hours without needing the loo (rather like a camel in reverse) - unfortunately the longest train journey we took was 23 hours...)
we don't generally have open-air cremations - I witnessed a few at the ghats in Varanasi, including the bit where the lower leg of one of the bodies fell off the burning pile, only to be picked up by someone nearby and tossed back on.
it's not socially acceptable to do things that you'd normally keep to yourself (e.g. "toilet behaviour" - to not offend anyone) in a busy street, surrounded by people. Many people may tell you about the common practice of urinating in the streets, however as I walked along the Gangees I was privileged to see a man, crouched against the walls of possibly the oldest city in the world, masturbating. Excellent.

And on that note I'll keep you hanging for the next installment...

new year's resolutions

2008-01-02T13:53:00.000-08:00

I normally don't make these, mainly because I get easily bored of "going to the gym" or tempted by chocolate to "eat more healthily".
However, I've had an expensive year - partially my fault, nice holidays etc. and partially house stuff that's needed doing (new boiler, etc.) - and I've decided I need to cut down on my spending for at least the next 6 months. However, there are a few problems with this:

I love to shop - really love it. Even when I don't buy anything, I just love to browse the shops, trying stuff on, etc.
I love to find bargains. Now this may be seen as a positive thing, because it'll help me to save money - not if I didn't need the "bargain" in the first place it won't. When I'm shopping and I see a bargain, I have a little voice in my head urging me to buy at least one (if not 3 or 4) because "it might come in" or "I could save it for someone's birthday". In addition to this, my cut-off point for when I have enough of a certain bargain seems to be faulty - an example, in a previous job I travelled to the US a lot. The US is many things, but to me it was a place of cheap(er) make-up, books and gucci handbags. And this is in normal shops - when I visited the outlet malls I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. During these visits I managed to accumulate truck-loads of posh make-up, beauty products - as well as acting as a trafficker of similar products for all my mates. This stuff has lasted me about 8 years so far - so long that some of the stuff has started to go off... I have reserve supplies of clinique's advanced concealer that was discontinued about 9 years ago, to last me at least another 9 years... I have moved house 4 times since these trips, and each time I've moved my make-up mountain with me, but still the cosmetics cut-off doesn't work. So I'm going cold-turkey. No buying. Use up the stuff I've got and only buy stuff when ABSOLUTELY necessary (and not when you get a really nice bag with samples in when you spend £15 or over.....).
I live close to the shops. I live 3 miles from the Trafford Centre, it's ON MY WAY HOME from work every day. Each time I drive past it, it's enticing me in, like the mermaids luring sailors to their death with the siren songs.... My old boss used to say that I moved 140 miles to the warrington office so that I could be closer to the trafford centre.... I also live with a 5 minute walk of sainsburys, which is very convenient for popping in every few days for STUFF I DON'T NEED... (can you sense the frustration?? I want to change, really I do....)

So, I've cut myself a deal. This kind-of accompanies my aims to shop more ethically too (goodbye primark cut-price fashion... I'll miss you...). I decided that I have lots of clothes, so don't need any more. However, if I do need new clothes, I'm going to try very hard to ONLY buy them from ethical/organic sources. To help this transition, I've allowed myself one little shopping spree, the People tree sale. This ticks all the right boxes, it's ethical and it's a bargain! So that's what I did tonight, I shopped online at the people tree sale.

It was wonderful. I felt so virtuous.

Slight snag is that now, 4 hours later, the kick is subsiding and I'm wondering how long I can keep it up... luckily I only have to deprive myself for the next 10 days 'cos I'm going to India on friday - here I'm working on the assumption that:

everything will be ridiculously cheap so I simply will not be able to spend more than £2.30 per day
I'll feel so guilty about having so much more than some of the poor people there, that I won't buy a thing
my spending will be curbed by actually having to carry everything I buy from place to place as we travel around. And this time I WILL NOT buy a new, bigger bag to carry everything I buy in (not like Cambodia....)

So I'm going to give it a go - in 6 months time I could be rich! (or, at least rich enough to replace my car if it dies). I would like to make this very clear though, spending in the pub is not covered by these rules - in fact the less I spend on frivolities like clothes, the more money there will be available for gin... :-)

one more thing...

2007-12-25T16:33:00.000-08:00

I'm going to India soon and am a bit concerned about the toilet situation (toilets have always been a big concern of mine, my parents could (and frequently do) tell many stories about me and toilets I've refused to go near in the past) ... I don't know which of my stumbleupon preferences managed to pick this up, but they've just directed me to the following page:
toilets
Why can't all toilets be like these??

and relax...

2007-12-25T16:14:00.000-08:00

It's just occurred to me that I've not blogged in December at all, so I'm going to write something...
It's been a busy month - I've done some teaching, work trips to the glorious south of england, a number of christmas parties/gatherings, but more importantly I've got into stumbleupon.
If you've not heard of this, basically you visit a website and fill in a form with stuff you're interested in (bit like a dodgy junk-mail request form) and install the stumbleupon tool bar. You then press the "stumble" button and it finds one site after another that may be of interest to you, on the basis of your preferences... I've come across this before, and occasionally receive e-mails telling me "I saw this website and thought of you" (which is quite cool usually, apart from the one cartoon that was a bit scary....)

Anyway, I think as a result of not being at work and having relatively loads of time on my hands, I've been stumbling with a vengence. There are lots of sites I could direct you to, but this is one of my favourites:
http://www.whatshouldireadnext.com/books/search/
It's like the book version of stumbleupon - you fill in the name of a book you've liked and it gives you recommendations for further reading - cool eh?

The only thing I need now is more time off to plough through them all...

plumbing pipes and filling holes...

2007-11-23T15:22:00.000-08:00

In the absence of a holiday, interesting shopping trip, or unusual items being left on my doorstep I thought I'd have a little chat about my house.

Last time I owned property (a half-share of a flat in the south of england) I remember wondering how home-ownership could cause my bank balance to haemorrhage so dramatically... in the 5 year gap of living a trouble/maintenance-free life within the rented sector I must've let this slip my mind because here I am again...
Now I'm not doing home improvements on the same scale as some people and I do love my house... I'm just getting a bit bored of living within a constant dust cloud (from the plaster, mortar and other stuff that seems to be oozing out of my walls each time I peel a layer of wallpaper off), having to navigate around precariously positioned missing floorboards and men in overalls getting out their tape measures, shaking their heads and giving a sharp intake of breath...

So far in the last month I have become the proud owner of a new boiler (condensing combi, for those environmentally aware people out there), a large hole/black mass where a bathroom cupboard used to be (which appears to be taunting me, each time I have a shower, looking more offensive by the day, but in the full knowledge that I can't stretch my finances to a new bathroom for quite a few holidays time...) and some large gaps where the pipes used to be.

However, this week I've allowed 2 new men into my house, with sledgehammers and chainsaws to - wait for it - make me some cupboards.

It's slightly more complex than it sounds - they're converting my once half-inside/half-outside understairs cupboard, into two inside cupboards ('tis my own design, nothing short of genius ;-) however I won't go into the details here in fear of losing someone to a very deep sleep...). Storage is VERY important when you have as many pair of shoes (lost count), boots (erm... is 8 pairs excessive?) and coats (well, a girl has to keep warm...) as I have. I'm actually quite excited by it... however it's still in the "development" stage at present, meaning that the structure of the cupboards is there, but nowhere near finished so I'm being constantly teased by the promise of more storage than I've ever owned, but knowing I just can't have it yet.
And now it's weekend, so it's going to be AGES.
So I'm having to escape for the weekend to resist the urge to think something along the lines of "give it to me - how difficult can it be" (like a dad on christmas morning getting really impatient with the kids for not playing with/putting together their new toy properly...).

However, on a positive note, during this week my tea-making skills have dramatically improved, I've had two days off work (well, meant to do some work at home, but can't possible move from lounge to study in case I get dusty - which would stop me thinking (a little bit like when you pour coffee into a laptop)), the boys working in my house have been lovely and all the chocolate biscuits in my house have been eaten by people other than me. Fabulous!

the emerald isle

2007-11-05T15:33:00.000-08:00

I went to Dublin a few weeks ago. I'd never been to Ireland before and quite fancied a look around. It's not quite Japan, (I'm not jealous, honest) but it was fab. I got some cheap flights from a budget airline - only the 2nd time ever I've had to run past all the other passengers, across the tarmac to the aircraft to get a seat - and away I went.

I was unusually disorganised for this trip, mainly 'cos I'd been tearing all over the country the week before and had a house in chaos while a new boiler was being fitted (confession time, my parents came over to house-sit in the suddenly arctic weather, while I had a lovely time in nice warm Ireland.... sorry mum). However, it's worth noting that my disorganised means that I'd not planned my days in the minutest detail - I had done the important things like finding out the cheapest way to get into town, booking somewhere to stay, figuring out what I wanted to see, etc. etc.

I stayed in a youth hostel for the first time in a couple of years and have started to feel that I'm getting a bit old for this "'sharing" business. The first night I was knackered, so went to bed as soon as I arrived, only to wake up in the morning surrounded by sleeping boys (and girls) - there was also a lovely sweaty smell of booze oozing out of the pores of most people in the room... the showers were unisex, so there was only a thin layer of fabric between me and some other sweaty, sleepy person - and the following night I was kept awake, not by the snoring boy in the bed next to me but by the increasingly stressed girl in the bunk above, who make tutting, sighing, tossing and turning 'cos SHE couldn't sleep because of the snoring... But hey, it was cheap :-)

I thought it would be best to see as much of Dublin as I could in the limited time I had, so bought a 24 hour open-top bus ticket, which promised guided-tours and witty banter. So joined the other tourists and scouse hen parties on a tour of the city. I stopped off at the guinness factory (they give you a free pint when you climb all the way to the top of the building - nice views of Dublin from there too) which was cool, went to Kilmainham gaol which made me a little ashamed to be English, when hearing all the stories of executions after the Easter uprising etc., went to the modern art gallery (and left confused, although they had an exhibition based on a blondie lyric, which can't be all bad) and then onto the museum, which had a large ship in the courtyard and displays of clothes, jewelery and shiny objects through the ages (appealing to my magpie tendencies).

By this time it was the end of the day and, being on my own I was a bit lost for stuff to do, so I went to the cinema. This wasn't without adventure as a Bulgarian man approached me in the foyer, asking if I was from Sweden (?) and told me that, as I didn't have an Irish accent I was the only person he could understand, so I should meet him for a drink after our respective films.... I gave him a non-committal response, then stealthily escaped the cinema back to the hostel to watch England get beaten in the rugby cup final (it's only a game...)

The following day I went to Dublina - a viking version of Dublin. I'd been told that it had actors interacting with the visitors, but was quite relieved when I didn't stumble across any (I've never quite recovered from the mannikins in the M&S shop window suddenly coming to life...) - I then thought I'd visit the cathedral, right next door. This was a good idea in principle, but on heaving the door open loudly I realised (what with it being sunday morning and everything) that they were in the middle of a church service.... This is the trouble with going to an emerging church, you forget that other people don't get a lie-in on both weekend mornings.... So, I thought it best to look like it was deliberate and go and join the service, only:
a - I didn't have a menu/order of service, so didn't have a clue what was happening
b - it was high anglican (so high, God is probably in the flat below them) so they had some funny things going on (note. by "funny" I mean unusual, not necessarily amusing or wrong in anyway)
c -I thought I'd make the best of the situation and stay sitting down, as if I was praying, taking in the spiritual ambiance or something, which would've been fine, if they'd not decided, at exactly this point, to carry the bible (I think) down the aisle towards the back of the church - and when they do this, everyone turns around to watch it go. And to also look at me, reclining on my seat in a probably completely irreverent way.....

Never mind, they did invite me for a cup of tea in the crypt afterwards and were very enthusiastic to find out all about me, until under questioning I revealed that one of my favourite places so far had been the guinness factory and how I was going to have a look around the OTHER cathedral before I left. When they heard this, they told me that they were much nicer than the people in the other cathedral, so it wasn't really worth going.... But the crypt was cool, beats having a cup of tea and a "nice" biscuit in a church hall any day.

I meant to go and look around Trinity college in the afternoon, but found various second-hand shops in the Temple Bar district (one I remember being called the Eager Beaver), so I became sucked into some strange second-hand-clothes-shop timewarp and made it no further...

So, to conclude. I liked Dublin, found the people were friendly and very funny and the city was pretty and small enough to walk around. I remember thinking to myself that this was slightly different to my last few holidays as I could blend into the background here and didn't have to learn hugely different behaviours etc.

However, just in case I had been feeling that it was sooo different, at the bus-stop to the airport a small elderly asian woman forceably moved me out of her way. So not so different after all ;-)

what do points make?

2007-10-26T14:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I've had a few technological problems - most traumatic was that my mac hard-drive had developed some major errors so had to be wiped. As luck wouldn't have it, it had been some months since I'd backed up my data, so I've lost a bunch of music, vids, documents and programs that I'd forgotten I'd downloaded and so have been frantically trying to remember their names so I can re-load them (what IS the name of the rss feed notifier that sits at the bottom of your browser screen and tells you whenever someone has blogged ....?)

This fact may prompt some of you to pour scorn on my choice of hardware - however in my many years of using PCs and windows I've had a whole load of other problems, so 2 hard-drive issues with my mac in 18 months still hasn't put me off my oh-so-sexy machine (in fact I'm stroking it lovingly right now)...

So, a few issues, but also some good stuff. I'm not sure if I should believe in karma - but I like to believe that good stuff leads to other good stuff eventually. So, what happened was this.
I bought a copy of the Big Issue in Manchester city centre the other Saturday and, for a change, actually got around to reading it that weekend. At the back there were a couple of competitions, tickets to a gig and a box-set of the Prisoner tv series (which I quite like - I've been to Portmerian and everything...). Anyway, entered the competitions by e-mail and forgot about them. Couple of days later I got an e-mail congratulating me on my prize winning and inviting me to a free gig the following day. With free food at the hard rock cafe. And free beer.

Cool.

I'd never been to the hard rock cafe before - I guess like every chain it's the same the world over, but there was something pretty good about sitting there, with free food, beer and ACDC playing on the big screen... (rock fans never die, though they might end up going to see the Beautiful South and wearing pink occasionally). So, they gave us £30 worth of food to eat (and we spent every penny) plus as much budweiser as we could drink (some of you may argue that this isn't technically beer, but
a-I hadn't had beer since my trip to Seoul in May and
b-it was free
- so I was lapping it up (not literally, I do like to show some decorum)
Once we'd eaten, and watched the support act (which was OK, apart from a couple of random girls doing some bizarre robotic type dance for the 1st and last songs) we were then invited up to the mezzanine floor to watch the proper act for the night - a band called Ghosts. I'm told (by their wikipedia page anyway) that they're the next big thing...

There were a bunch of blokes hanging around the top of the stairs, that we had to push past to get a decent view. Obviously, it turned out that they were the actual band (having never heard of them before that night, I can't have been expected to recognise them) - though they did look like they'd just popped in from the local FE college - or is that me showing my age? Musically they weren't bad, and I've included a photo (above) just to prove I was there.

As an aside, just where we were standing there was a nice big power connection plug type thing - the kind you see in films, where someone pulls the plug on the power to an entire gig/event - I had twinges of the saboteur (that I've not had for a little while now) and wondered exactly how much trouble I'd get into if I "accidentally" disconnected it... (haven't had that feeling since I was in a control room and REALLY wanted to press the red button, just to see what actually happened...) - but managed to stifle my disruptive instincts and enjoy the band.

'Twas a good night - especially for free. So the moral of this story? Buy the big issue folks ;-)

never look a gift horse where?

2007-09-28T15:17:00.000-07:00

I have been away for one night, albeit a busy one visiting some old people I quite like who are in hospital and going to a conference to sell my wares. However, on my return I found that someone had left me a small gift at my front door. This wasn't the usual cat crap that appears on my land if I turn my back for more than half a second, but a more unusual gift of an unsealed bottle of Heinz salad cream.

I've been racking my brains to think of reasons for this particular item to be delivered to my door and have come up with the following:

it's some kind of sinister message from the window cleaners who I keep missing and now probably owe about £50 (a kind of pay-up-or this-is-what-your-brains-will look-like-after-our-next-visit)

my kindly neighbours have decided that I look like I don't eat enough salad, so have popped a bottle of their favourite dressing over to tempt me (hmm... not keen on this explanation)
my house is, unbeknownst to me, part of some moonlight treasure hunt or orienteering exercise... (if I see large numbers of people wandering around my street in confusion before I go to bed, I'll know I've got that one spot on)
the burglars can't quite figure out if I'm away or home, so have strategically placed this at my door to use as an indicator, on the assumption that I wouldn't leave it there if I did indeed return home. Ergo, if it's still there when they happen to wander past in the dead of night, they'll know they're free to break through the patio doors and help themselves without fear of being caught.

(This is similar to the idea that burglars peer through windows and if they see the same washing up in the same position a couple of days in a row, they assume you're away - when in fact, in my house anyway, the same washing up is likely to stay in the same position until I either:

buy some food and begin to cook again

run out of plates/mugs/teaspoons)

(I can usually make it through at least a week without washing up, but this is nothing on my ironing boast - I aim to do this, on average, once every 3 months. nB - this does NOT make me a slob, just efficient at conserving energy by doing large quantities all at the same time....)

So, enough of my musing on the endless possibilities (when it truth, it was probably put there by some of the local lads "having a laugh"), here's a photo of the object of mysterious origins, just to prove I'm not hallucinating as a result of being short of blog topics....

Aaaa-gaaaa-do-do-do

2007-09-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

I've just come back from a week in Majorca with my family, including my niece & nephew (aged 5 & 4 respectively). It would be an understatement to say that this was a completely different holiday to the not-so-long-ago trip to Cambodia...

During this holiday, in addition to getting the nearest thing to a tan that I've had in years (although you can't really tell without seeing the strap-marks, which I'm keeping to myself when in polite company) I discovered (for myself, other people probably figured this out years ago) one of the causes of the horrendous "novelty" records, by the likes of Las Ketchup, Wigfield & Aqua.

The all-inclusive family package holiday.

They lure you there, with their kids club, offering to occupy your little darlings while you sun yourself on the poolside... little do you know the price you'll be paying for this, probably for the rest of your life.... What they're actually doing is brain-washing everyone under the age of 12 with the music & lyrics of the cheesiest pop you'll ever hear, which no-one, once they've heard it under these hot-house conditions, will ever be able to completely remove from their memory.

And what's more it's not just the above groups, there are loads more "artists" creating this type of music. I'd like to bring to your attention:
toybox
chipz
the happy cats
hot banditzo
some other band
and a song about a crocodile
Now, listen to these songs, all the way through. No cheating.

(Mark my words, this is the rest of the world getting its own back on the UK for trying to colonize every place it came across & making English the major language of business & commerce... they find out where we go on holiday & take steps to slowly erode our musical discernment. )

Then imagine hearing them at least 3 times a day for a week, having them sung to you by small kids (and grown up entertainers) day and night. If you time it badly, they'll also be selling copies of the CD to take home & play day & night until (or maybe beyond) they become teenagers.

And knowing all of the actions to each & every song.

Are you scared yet?

Actually, the scariest bit of all is that hunting them down on the internet has made me feel quite nostalgic..... everybody now:
....cowboy, cowboy, riding in a rodeo, can I be the one for you? la la la.......

you have been warned...

2007-08-29T15:16:00.001-07:00

Some people may have already seen this ad, but it never fails to amuse me, so thought it only right to share my joy...
follow me

ps. it was a REAL ad, not something developed for the specialist market...

Three massages and a footrub - or, what I did in the summer holidays

2007-08-27T05:23:00.000-07:00

I've just returned from a fab holiday, where I have sampled a new culture, been closer than ever before to real poverty, wandered along some of the most peaceful beaches and been the main course for many a mosquito's evening meal. During this time there have been many things worth blogging about, but which to choose?

Today's subject is the art of massage... I've had a couple of massages before, over in the UK, which have mainly consisted of being rubbed lightly with a cloth and some suspect-smelling "essential" oils... (essential to what, I've always wanted to know) However, my local massage experiences did little to prepare me for the south east Asia approach. I had three, quite different, types of massage while I was away, plus a footrub / reflexology deal after I'd gone pink in the sun and my feet were the only areas I was prepared to let another person within grasping distance of.

The first one was a traditional Thai massage, requiring you to wear Thai trousers (kind of huge trousers, so one size fits all, even me! with a sash attached so you can secure them in place) but you can keep your own t-shirt on. You lie down on a mattress next to any friends you've brought with you (and any other random people who happen to be there at the same time) and each of you has someone belting the living daylights out of each of your limbs, then forceably contorting you into a number of positions you've only seen in "specialist" publications. This was, surprisingly, quite rewarding in an "ouch" kind of way, and pretty much what I'd expected...

The second one was my fault. I'd done some research on Cambodia, which organisations it's good to support, etc. etc. and had read nothing but good stuff about the "Seeing Hands" massage organisation, run by blind people and heralded as a main way of helping blind people to earn a living (welfare system being poor or non-existent on the whole over there). So when we arrived in Siem Riep and stumbled across the local branch I was keen to try it. Some people believe that if you lose one of your senses, the others become more acute. I don't know if this is the case, but the masseurs here were definitely going one step further - at one point I thought they were trying to drill a hole through my head and into the mattress below (repeat that for all other limbs and several places I didn't know I had) - and I'm not even going to start on what they did to my buttocks... It didn't help that Steve had his session shortly before mine and I could see him wincing & miming in pain, so I had an idea of what was to come... We eventually limped out trying to convince ourselves that it was a case of no pain, no gain, but secretly wondering if you can fracture a bone/tear a muscle through massage...

The third one was a little different again - I did half wonder if the offer of "extras" was more common in this particular establishment than in some of the others - this was an oil massage where you take most of your clothes off, with only a towel between you and the vice-like grip of the masseuse. They then proceed to rub the best part of a bottle of baby oil into you, when they get bored of that, they cover you with a towel and walk on your back (which was a walk in the park after the intensity of the Seeing Hands place). They also make an attempt to contort you into various positions, but happily the oil caused their grip to be less forceful, so didn't bend you too far out of your comfort zone. Reading back, this sounds a little bit suspect... but nothing untoward, honest.

As for the footrub, it was a good substitute for the full monty and I was pleased I'd gone for this option, as all other people (massagees?) having body massages appeared to be made to wear comedy shorts (really obnoxious, brightly "bermuda" shorts type thing, which belong at the bottom of a drawer somewhere, but nowhere else). It's one thing to cause someone physical harm under the guise of massage therapy, but another to humiliate them in the fashion stakes....

But despite the pain, it was a great experience - I don't think I can go back to a quick rub down with aromatherapy oils ever again ;-)

holiday time

2007-08-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well, for all people reading this who aren't burglars, I'm going on holiday on Friday! (for those people who ARE burglars, my house will be patrolled by fiery monsters - and after the recent rain it also has a moat - so don't even think about it)

I'm going to Cambodia (via Bangkok) and am eagerly anticipating a trip of palaces & temples, go-go bars, scenes of mass murder, sandy beaches, fabulous food and squatting pan toilets - what more could you wish for on holiday?

This will be my 4th trip to Asia, and (technically) my 5th and 6th Asian countries visited (if you count HK, Macau & China as separate and don't count a 2 hour stop in Singapore on the way to Melbourne...) I was pleased with this, until wikipedia told me that there are 42 countries in Asia (although at least 8 of the entries also qualified for the Eurovision song contest, so I'm a bit skeptical about that list...) so there's a long way to go yet. I have a loooong list of preferred options (Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, India, Japan, etc....) - now I just have to wait for that lottery win to fund them...

It's promising to be a good trip, not least because I'm meeting up with a young man currently residing in Seoul, who's looking forward to it almost as much as I am. I say almost as I'm the one who has been packed for this trip since the middle of July... I try not to tell many people this as they tend to think that I'm either:

organised to the anally retentive level and a bit of a control freak
so scared that I'll forget something I have to prepare months in advance
so desperate to leave the country I pack a rucksack just to stare at longingly
bored out of my mind and need something to focus on....

OK, I guess there's elements of truth in each of the above, although not enough to make me a bit strange, honest...

To be fair, the weather in the UK has been horrendous so there has been no need for summer clothes. And I've not needed my passport recently. And I always have a small "holiday" pack of toiletries ready for emergencies, it made good sense to put it with everything else...

Not strange. Just excited ;-)

copycat

2007-08-05T06:26:00.000-07:00

Ever since seeing James' blog picture I was insanely jealous, but now I have my own family photo... imagine my joy (and the bewilderment of my more sensible friends) when I saw them sat there, waiting for me at my local cinema.

Still haven't seen the film yet, will probably end up watching it dubbed in Thai over the next couple of weeks ;-)

brav(issim)o!

2007-07-02T14:57:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I had lots of random things to do in the city centre, one of them was to check out a shop that several people I know have been raving about - Bravissimo. I was promised that the staff can tell you what bra size you are just by looking at you (some people may argue that takes the fun away...) and they were right!
You go in to the changing rooms, take your top off (not your bra just yet, steady...) and they tell you what size you should wear, disappear off for a few sections and return heavily laden with bras of all descriptions. I told her that I wanted a proper bra, not one that felt like you'd put your boobs into 2 plastic carrier bags and then told her my M&S underwear story...
What was most weird was that she gave me instructions on how to put on a bra (the correct way, apparently, needs 2 people, one (ahem) adjusting things at the front and the other fastening and adjusting completely different things at the back - I should be so lucky ;-)) - it was rather bizarre being helped into underwear and felt not dissimilar to how I imagine being laced into a corset 100+ years ago would feel...
Anyway, this shop is fabulous, not only does it sell underwear, but also swimwear and other clothes designed for people with more cleavage than they know what to do with... I'm still half wondering if it's a bit of a con - my bra size according to them is completely different to the ones I'm used to wearing (no, I'm not announcing it here, if you want to know you'll have to ask nicely) and perhaps they just want to sell you stuff (a shop? wanting to sell stuff? surely not...)
But, at the risk of sounding a little strange, my upper half now looks and feels amazingly better than it did on Friday, so I reckon it was worth the small mortgage I had to take out to buy the scaffolding...

This shopping experience was almost as much fun as the day I went into Ann Summers to do some research... but that's another story...

while I'm here...

2007-06-29T15:42:00.000-07:00

Well, first post wasn't too painful, so now I'm getting carried away...

Just thought I'd mention this -
Had a rubbish day at work (not going to go into it as: a-it's a secret & b-it's boring) and, it's fair to say, was in a foul mood (in my defence, had had very little sleep thanks to a late gig in the city, driven for 6 hours, then worked until 930pm - I'm not usually quite so grumpy...) -
BUT then I had to go to my local petrol station. For some reason, every time I go there, the boys behind the counter are nice and smiley to me - they even make conversation, eye-contact, ask me how I am and wish me a good evening/weekend etc. And it's a different boy each time, not just one poor short-sighted soul who's short of female company....

So, I walked into the shop, in a REALLY bad mood, and after a 20 second transaction with one of the boys, left the shop feeling lots better - isn't that strange? I didn't feel cross any more. My church group (I'll explain about that another time) was discussing angels this week and my theory is that everyone has the capacity to be someone else's angel at some point, even if only for 20 seconds...

or will they?

2007-06-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

I've always quite liked the idea of blogging, but avoided it as:

I've been told I shouldn't in case I give away any important "secrets" (I never pay attention long enough to remember them...)
I like to maintain an air of mystery... or, in other words I like to be in control of who knows what about me (notice the word "control" there - you'll be hearing more of that, along with the word "organise", if you stick around...)
I always thought that if you didn't mind people reading your diary, you weren't being honest with what you wrote, so either I'd have nothing juicy to report or what I did report would be wild exaggerations...

But I've given in, so here we are. I'm not quite sure how I'll use it yet - maybe to post random observations, or describe interesting/happy/funny/infuriating stories, or I'll just use it as a cheap form of therapy when things are really hacking me off.

I don't think I'm going to tell anyone I'm blogging just yet - maybe get a few rants out of the way first and see if anyone finds me (there can't be THAT many people who:

get enraged at the thought of compulsory work medicals/drugs tests,
hates the word "manpower" but can't think of a suitably apt PC alternative
and/or would really like to have deep theological discussions, but my brain just can't keep up (possibly related to the first issue...))